Reconnect

Well things have been very busy lately. I have been over to the emerald isle, had the fire pack in and moved my first born into her new house. Just for good measure throw in a bout of illness and yes busy don't seem to cut it. Things have got a bit lost in the turbulent day to day events!

Then something happened, my Granddaughter told me that she had told her teacher I was a Buddhist and in return the teacher had asked her to find out all about what I do and believe. This got me thinking "what would I say" she is only 8 and I don't want to confuse her. This morning during my meditation I started to reflect on what I would say, and began with the the life of the Buddha and the 4 sights. As I went over the story and tried to place the details in a simple and entertaining way I became more and more reconnected with what I actually believe. I realised I need not only to explore the more in depth teachings but to keep alive the initial spark which set this man on fire! I have told my Granddaughter to tell her teacher that if she would like I would go into the school and talk to her class, lets see where we go now.

Metta.

Where have I been?

Well, I have been up a mountain and that's about it! A part from half of our party having to be rescued by the Ogwen valley mountain rescue team, a really nice walk! I have also been very restless of late. My meditation has been erratic, not in regularity but in quality. One minute its concentrated the next am all over the place, then falling asleep and the back to concentrated. Its just very strange, not frustrating or upsetting just strange. I have been reading the Dhammapada lately and just letting it sit there, not scrutinizing every word just enjoying it. Its good, it exposes my short comings but that's good to. More to work on , more to explore!

"Do not abandon yourselves to unmindfulness; have no intimacy with sensuous delights. The mindful person, absorbed in superconscious states, gains ample bliss" Dhammapada-27 trans. Sangharakshita.

Broken chain

Well nothing lasts and that's the truth! I have had a continuous meditation practice for 4 weeks! Then, well I caught a bug and we had the grand kids for two days and they had a bug too. So its back to zero, just like the mindfulness of breathing, and tomorrow is a new day. Effort, Yes EFFORT, I have said this again but It is a fact you can't get away from. I have had such a good and positive experience from a steady, regular and at times systematic meditation practice that I just can't contemplate not keeping the effort on full!

Metta you all!

hi.....am home, again!

Yes I ve been on retreat again. This time I was on a Sangha retreat with Liverpool and Blackburn, and very good it was! This was the first time our two Sanghas have been on retreat together and I hope it wont be the last as it is excellent to come together and practice. Excellent setting, Vajraloka, excellent people and the Dharma! Bring on next year, two Kula gatherings and a Sangha retreat!

Hi am home!

Well am back from Padmaloka and what a good weekend it was. I met many good people who like me have decided to commit themselves to the liberation of themselves and all beings. Wow that sounds a big thing! And viewed in its completeness, yes it is, but it involves just moment by moment awareness, compassion and the willingness to change. So that's OK then...........well no I think that this is a task which could take many life times to even come near to getting right. As people keep telling me "the devil is in the detail" Yes but there is no detail, no no detail just the constant coming and going moment by moment of processes. I think I need another retreat.

Dreams?

I don't get dreams, well what I mean is I don't get dreams which seem to have no relevance to me or any one I know! I know sometimes we dream of things that are on our minds, work, friends etc. but last night I had some of the strangest dreams I have had in a long time. One involved a person, not me, and for the life of me I don't know who, looking after a herd of goats, but not just that, they dressed like a goat and hid from people! At another stage I was with a group of people and we where concerned about parachutists landing on us. I remember we where inside a hut(?) and when we opened the door there was a parachute draped over the door and we all panicked! but then the people who had landed came in, two men and two girls. Not that strange yous say, but the strangeness comes in how they where dressed, or not as it happens. I just don't get it, I woke up feeling I was losing my mind. Its said that when you reach a advanced stage of mindfulness you can be mindful even when you are asleep. Well that seems along way off this morning. I feel like am wrapped in cotton wool at the moment! Well am off on retreat on Friday so I expect to have this arise as a theme of my dreams between now and then. I hope so!

Can you hear me at the back?

Well, its been a busy time of late, lots of end of year shows and play to go to or to ferry people back and forth from. All very good, and I feel very privileged to have been able to have been apart of them in at least a small way. This has meant that I have missed a couple of Sangha evenings but now am back on track and have hit the ground running, as it where, I made it the the Sangha on Tuesday and last night I took a Buddhism and Meditation class for Buddhashanti while he attended a Charmain's convention at Padmaloka. Janet kindly came along to give me some much needed support and the evening was well attended with 6 people coming along. The theme was, in the first half of the night stages 3&4 of the MtB and in the second half I introduced Wisdom within Buddhism. I do think that, well it feels from my perspective, that I tend to talk at people rather than too them. I did enjoy it all the same, and the class all contributed with some interesting observations and questions, so that's OK. Lets hope things grow from this for us all, I like to think that Buddhashanti has planted the seeds of the Dharma and I popped around to give them a quick watering, and now its up to peoples inquisitive nature to see if anything pops up!

Metta.

A day to remember

Well, yesterday was without doubt one that will be etched into my mind forever. I traveled to Blackburn, to Saccavicaya's house where I met Urgen Sangharakshita. Just writing this fills me with a sense of wonder, the man I consider my teacher, the author of many of the books that I re-lie on for my spiritual direction, the voice of so many lectures and talks I have listened to countless times was sitting in front of me asking if I had a good trip over from Liverpool. We talked for nearly an hour, which passed very quickly, I could of happily just sat there all day but Bhante, even at 84 years young, had a busy day and needed to prepare for the book launch at the Blackburn centre. I had questions which I had gone through the night before, when I should of been sleeping, but they like my nervousness they disappeared and I am afraid I just babbled about anything that came into my head. I feel very embarrassed now, but what is done is done! Bhante was very kind and was delighted with a ceramic of Avalokiteshvara which Tony had made for him and which I presented on his behalf. When I left, Bhante thanked me for coming and squeezed my hand, even now I am finding this hard to write, that one simple gesture meant more to me than I can ever say, I left Blackburn in a daze and the rest of the day zipped past like the landscape from a moving train. This is to share with you, my friends, how lucky we are to be alive at this time, having contact with the Dharma through our precious teacher Urgen Sangharakshita.

METTA

All change!

Well who would of thought that a different room, twice the size I grant you, only one floor below the original would have such an effect instantly! Every body looked so happy last night, it instantly felt right. There is still some sorting out to be done but the conditions are there for the sangha to grow and develop. Supportive conditions, whever it is regular meditation, a quiet room set aside, silence, getting away on retreat or an inviting and friendly space to meet as a sangha, are what we all need to deepen our practice I think. We certainly have the room, how are you doing with the rest?

Metta

June is bustin......

Well its MOB again which seems to be giving me the work. I total missed the first stage this morning! I can't even remember what distracted me. Its like the distraction was distracted my the realisation that I was distracted? I am confusing myself now! Needless to say I got to it in the second stage and things when well from there on in. Need to work on recognising the hindrances and hopefully this will make getting back on track more straight forward!

Metta

1, 2, 3, ............

.......4, 5, 6, !I am struggling to day with the mindfulness of breathing, its more like the mindfulness of counting with the odd breath thrown in for good measure! Well I need to find more of a fascination with the breath, a wonder as it were that this is a common link with every living thing, no breath, no life!

Metta

On the run!

Iam updating this remotely again as I was late into work this morning. I have had a rather interesting weekend. I finished the prep for a painting I am doing for Kerry, a Padmasambhava image, which I am finding challenging. Then yesterday I found myself alone, yes alone in the house by myself! This may not sound a big deal but if you know my domestic arrangements this is an unusual situation in the extreme. I took the opportunity to move my mat and cushions out side onto the deck. here under the shade of a parasol I meditated, MOB, I then listened to Padmavajra on my i-pod giving a talk on "faith and imagination" and made some adjustments to the sketches for the painting. I then Listened to Bhante reading passages from the Pali cannon before meditating again. MB, What a Monday, in fact what an day any day of the week! Setting up conditions for deeping my going for refuge took on a very real feeling. Yes a small step for most but a significant one for me!

Metta.

Techno boy!

This is a first, updating the blog from a external e-mail address! Well its a break through if it works.

metta.

Rough with the smooth!

Well its been a busy week! We had a shared meal on Tuesday and I supported a class on Thursday, but that's just the nice bits we also had a small crisis when my grandson was taken into hospital. Lots of opportunity to be mindful, taking care not to cling to my own wish for certain out comes etc. dealing with things in the moment and not stressing on things I cannot control or even know! Its comforting that even as this is happening I am still being drawn back to the Dharma, noticing how am feeling and watching how I respond. Everyday, every moment there's an opportunity to practice, don't waste a second!

Effort!

This week has been a bit hit and miss. I didn't get to mediate on Sunday, Monday or Tuesday morning! I know its only 3 sits but it does make a big difference. Momentum is the phrase that jumped into my mind this morning. Its very easy to lose any benefits from regular meditation in a very short time and I have a feeling it will take a lot longer to get back to where I think I was. Well I suppose its subjective, and is viewed against where you are at any one moment. So effort, effort effort! lets get to it.

Metta.

Hey DJ!

Its happening again, I seem to have acquired a cheesy internal juke box which continually plays music in my head. I know its just my mind grasping onto something. anything in those times when my mind begins to still. This morning was a very difficult sit, very disturbed with the "pop tunes"and feeling sleepy. I am doing the mindfulness of breathing all week this week and this morning it was hard even to focus on what stage I was on, very down. Now am in work and I have just watched a video by Dharmachari Siddarth from a TBMSG convention, it was so uplifting, I found it very moving. He was so positive and thankful for the chance to learn and practice meditation. And hes Right, it didn't go well today but hey, at least I can meditate, I am free to practice when and how I like. I don't have to practice in secret for fear of prosecution, I have a nice space to meditate in, on well made cushions with warm blankets! If I have a cheesy juke box disturbing me, well that's just another opportunity for me to "get stuck in" and sort it out. I am so, so lucky in many ways, and if you are reading this, well so are you!

Metta

why, why now!

I have been listening to a series of talks by Subuti, and very good they are to. They are around a book called "know your mind" The talks are very in depth and although at first I didn't grasp the whole meaning I did pick up two things which I used last week in my meditation. The first is to be clear what you are meditating about and have an attraction or at least an interest in the object of your practice. The breath in the mindfulness of breathing, and compassion for or well-being towards people, including yourself, in the Metta bhavana. The second is to keep reminding yourself of what you are doing. Not just coming back to the breath say but to remind yourself that you are focusing on the breath out of attraction to/interest in the breath. I found this extremely helpful last week in the Metta Bhavana and have started to use it today with the mindfulness of breathing. I let you know how its going as the week goes on!

Metta

Seasons greetings...

No not Christmas, summer! Yes the change of seasons brings with it some unexpected problems. I actually got the sun in my eyes when I was meditating this morning! Curtains yes simple but effective and readily available I just need to remember to close them. See being mindful means being mindful about everything not just your mediation, puja or during a study group. Nor is it just about mental events because even closing the curtains is a mental event! Have on and see.

Metta

Lets be clear........

I had a e-mail today asking for my support on an issue which in the past has been quite, at least on the surface, straight forward for me, that of what is a appropriate response to the future of people who have committed a crime. In this particular case I have always been clear that these people should be put out of harms way until things change, both for them and for the victims and for the general public. What has not been clear, at least to you the observer of my opinion, is why this should be the case. CHANGE, change is infinite. You can not punish someone permanently. ie you cannot inflict a punishment on the same person forever. Why? because the person dose not exist in the same state forever. So over time you will start to punish a person who has changed and so that punishment is not appropriate or not effective. At some point you, and them and the victim or the victims family must deal with what has happened and move on, just as each of us has moved on both physical and mentally. Granted this may not be for the better but moved on we have. So..........yes its not easy is it? not simple nothing is. Hate never destroyed hate only love destroys hate. Not fluffy pink love but metta, loving kindness, practical, realistic love, accepting of our faults and the faults of others kind of love. Some call it tough love, and it can be tough, usually tough on the person giving it, as much as the person receiving it. You can't change the past only the present, you can't change the further it hasn't happened! Change your mind and your actions will follow. An eye for an eye just means we all are half blind with hate, I would rather see everything with metta, even the bad bits, and not have things hidden out of sight.

Matta!

Metta

Metta towards myself is difficult, I don't know why but it is. I have been listening to a talk on the mettabhavan by Kamalshila and his has helped. The main point I picked up was that we have to start where we are, yes I know this is said often at beginners classes etc. but it didn't sink in what was actual meant by this. I think I have been expecting to much, a great surge of Metta to everything and everyone. Well this is not going to happen! small crumb like moments of just liking myself will have to do, well for now. These I will keep safe and look after just like a small cutting of a delicate plant. Soft hands, soft minds, warm hearts.

metta

what you thinkin'?

I've been listening to a talk by Padmavajra on the first two verses of the Dhammapada, http://www.dharmachakra.com/talks/details?num=OM790&c=n, which basically say that we can produce a more positive state of mind; and as a result more positive actions by paying attention to what we are thinking. Well not just by thoughts but by refining the emotional content of our thoughts..........to be honest I am not doing it justice, you need to listen to Padmavajra. It really is transformation in action!

Metta

And its over to you.......

Well second week of Mindfulness of breathing, and so far so what........well what I mean is we breath all the time, we breath when where asleep and we don't even know where doing it! No the point is not that we are breathing but that we are turning our attention to our breathing. You can turn your attention to your breathing any time your remember, not just on the cushion, when you are driving, typing, watching, listening.........the list is endless because you don't stop breathing - I hope - So of a morning I do the mindfulness of breathing, while sitting on a cushion, and try to keep it going throughout the day. Have a go, go one you've been doing It since you started reading this, just keep going!

Metta

Long weekend

Well Thursday, and am not in work tomorrow, so the weekend starts here! Seem to be setteling into my practice nicely. I will only know hows it realy going in a month or so........so be prepared for more of the same.

Metta

Oppps missed!

Yes I missed posting yesterdays blog, I did meditate but I just didn't get chance to record it on the blog. I went to the Sangha last night and was pleased to to have Buddhashanti back from India. We had a slide show with some fantastic pictures of his trip, really interesting. I am into my first week of using my i-pod for the mettabahva practice and its going well. I have settled on a set group of people for the practice and a theme to bring these people, including myself, together. I will keep you posted........even if its a bit late.

Metta

Am late , am late........

Yes very late today, in fact its evening time and I am only just doing this! Well things seem to have stagnated this week with my meditation being very fitful. I will not let this get to me, each sit is unique, and so cannot really be compared to the last. I should report each day as it where the first time, well we will see wont we.
Have a good weekend,

Metta

Busy body, busy mind!

Very busy two days at work and it looks like it is set to continue! This has resulted in a busy mind which is not giving me the best platform to meditate from. Very tried and distracted to day, but I have been talking to Paul on messenger and this has kept me positive! Effort! this is the watch word along with mindfulness. Yes I know I sound like a juggler, and not surprisingly, feel like one too!

Metta

Mid week wobble

Well a bit of a wobble today, very distracted, mainly with childhood memories, kept going and eventually got something working! Effort is to be my key word, to make a consistent effort and keep relaxed about how its going.

Metta

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The I-pod is working out really well! I think the more ridged approach to the meditation is helping. Yes, here's hoping it keeps up.

Medi-tec

Today I used a new gizmo, well to me anyway, an I-pod. It has the bells for the two meditation practices i do at different timings, 40, 50 and 60 minutes. It was good to have the set times for each stage, it helped keep me focused on what parts of the meditation went well or had a certain feel. I also have other things on the I-pod which over the next week or so I will add in to see where they take me!

Metta

First Five

Well, five days of recording my meditation. Today was good, I have found that if I adjust my habd position my overall posture is better. See, the small things count, keep mindful watch your whole experiance moment by moment and things are never the same, never without incident!

Have a good week end see you next week, no blog over the weekend.

Metta

Next!

Well, very tired today. Move on, change is infinite


Metta

The morning after the night before

my mind clings to the things I like and push away those I don't, this is the mundane mind in action. I turn my mind to those things which I want to take refuge in, the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. By turning my desires into the beautiful, a blue sky, a crisp morning, a hundred men saluting the shrine I will clear a space and dwell in it.

Metta

Tuesday Nights Sangha Night!

Well this mornings meditation went well. The use of memories from Padmaloka seems to be holding my attention well, although still very tied.
Still effort is the key, look at every thing with a sense of wonder and keep your mind focused on your body. Tonight is sangha night and will will discuss our individual practice, well I think I know where that my take me!

Monday, Monday

Well here we are, first of many we hope.



Just to eliminate me constantly going over the same stuff I will set the scene, as it where, for my daily meditation. I start at 06:00 /06:05 and aim to do about 40 minutes. I sit on a single cushion, crossed legged with my right knee supported by a small cushion. I meditate in weekly cycles, alternating between the mindfulness of breathing and the Mettabhavana.



So lets get going, just imagine the above and read on........



NEW START, this is what I am aiming for with my Mettabhavana practice. I have been trying to mentally set the scene a little like the above only in more detail. I use Padmaloka, a retreat centre in Norfolk, as a start and add different items, people, sounds and textures to create a warm environment to generate Metta towards myself. This I can then share amongst , a close friend, an acquaintance, a difficult person and then all of us together letting the metta spread out like light from the morning sun as the sun risers higher in the sky.

So how was it, well there where a few clouds in my clear blue sky and the usual mundane items of thought crept in, work, things that need to be sorted out etc. but I did get to Padmaloka, and I did make some progress. This is how it is, each moment progress, in as much as effort is made or the realisation that effort needs to be made.

Moment, moment, moment............

Hi dont time fly! I didn't post one single thing in 2008! Well must make more of an effort this year. I could say that I have put all my engergies into my meditation but that isn't 100% correct, although I have increased the time I spend in meditaion and have become more focused on keeping to a set routine, but I will make a change and try to keep the blog up to date, I hope

Well must run, will post more on Monday!